Keep calm and relax
A man comes hurriedly into the vets office carrying his limp dog in his arms. "I need some help" he says, "I do not know what the problem is with my dog". The vet takes the limp dog and places it on the exam table and proceeds to examine the dog. He turns to the man and says "Sir, I'm sorry to say but your dog has died."
The man obviously greatly upset, says "I want another opinion." Whereupon the vet goes out and brings in a cat whom he places on the table with the dog. The cat sniffs the dog from nose to tail, looks up at the vet and "meows". The vet says to the man "The cat says your dog has died".
The man wants still another opinion, so the vet goes out and brings in a black Labrador who checks out the dog again from nose to tail. After sniffing the dog he looks up at the vet and barks once. The vet turns to the man and says "The dog also says your dog has died." With that the man reluctantly asks the vet "OK, how much do I owe you?". The vet says "that will be $650.00". "What" the man says, "just to tell me my dog has died?" The vet says "Well, I would have charged you only $50 for my initial diagnosis, but the cat scan and lab tests cost $600.00".
It seems that when the good Lord was making the world, he called Man aside and bestowed upon him 20 years of normal sex life. Man was horrified, but the Creator refused to budge.
Then the Lord called the Monkey and gave him 20 years. 'But I don't need 20 years,' said the Monkey. 'Ten years is plenty.' Man spoke up and said, 'May I have the other 10 years?' The Monkey agreed.
The Lord called the Lion next and also gave him 20 good years. The Lion also only wanted 10, so again Man spoke up, 'May I have your other ten years?' 'Of course,' said the Lion.
Then came the Donkey, who was also granted 20 years. Like the others, 10 was more than enough. Man again asked for the spare ten years, and he got them.
This explains why Man has 20 years of normal sex life, 10 years of monkeying around, 10 years of lion 'bout it, and 10 years of making an ass out of himself.
The Power of Education
A mother mouse and her three children crept out of their hole into the kitchen and began feasting on some delicious bits of food. Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, Mother Mouse saw a cat slinking toward them. The cat was between the mice and their hole. The mother mouse puffed up her lungs and went "Woof! Woof!" The cat turned tail and ran.
With that, the mother quickly led her children back to safety in their hole. When they were settled, and breathing normally, Mother Mouse said to her children, "Now, what's the lesson from that experience?"
"We don't know," the baby mice squeaked.
"It is this," said Mom Mouse. "It's always good to know a second language."